Hopefully most of you do not know the pain of losing a loved one. Statistically, we all lose loved ones, grandparents, parents, friends, pets… it can be difficult. And everybody deals with grief differently.
There’s not really a wrong way to write the effects of a character’s death over time. But I’m going to do a quick list of some things I’ve experience in my own life so you can perhaps mix and match with other’s and get a more realistic feel.
1.- A year later, I still flinch when I say “my parent’s house” as a pose to “my mother’s house”. It’s weird, because I don’t flinch or feel pain talking directly about my father, but those moments of normality that are no longer true, they sting.
2.- It can really dampen cool moments. I should graduate this year from university. And everybody talks about bringing their parents. I chose not to participate in the formal event. I don’t want to wear a pointy hat and be handed a piece of paper in red ribbon, I don’t want to look down and know that somebody is missing.
3.- Grief at weird times. At 1 in the morning on the first of 2022. I had this sudden realisation hit me, that 2021 was the first full year my father wasn’t around. And I felt like I was going to break down right then and there on the roof terrace of my flat playing with fireworks with my roommates. I held myself together and cried myself to sleep later that night. These very sudden realisations come and go as they please.
4.- I hoard things he gave me. I hoard things that he once used. I have a book about birds that I’m never taking the bookmark out off because he put it there. Most of the things I hoard are insignificant, but once somebody is gone, well, literally everything they gave you is irreplaceable. Because they can never ever give you something else.
5.- Spirituality. So, this may be controversial even if it certainly shouldn’t be but, I’m extremely atheist. Very science driven, very, death is it. One day we’ll all die and every thought we ever had will be gone and that’s it. Simple. I’ve never ever doubted that. But the death if somebody so close has definitely been the closest I could get. Do I stand outside alone at night staring up at the sky and whisper to the people who are no longer with us? Yes. Do I think anybody can hear me? No. But I can’t stop my soft whispers, they’re comforting, because admitting the very last words to my father are forever frozen in time is such a strange feeling… so I’ll continue whisper into heavens I don’t believe in.
So… this was a heavy post. I’m very sorry if this was not enjoyable. I hope all of are you doing well. Death is a difficult thing to deal with and although it never truly goes away, it is less prominent, it is something we learnt to live with. Besides, how would we ever get motivated enough to finish a book if time weren’t limited? Let’s be optimistic here for a moment!
As usual, check out my book, stories I’ve written plus other social medias: here.